lisacim:

I’m just gonna be real with you guys, I’ve felt myself slipping back into that kind of eating disorder mindset I had when I was a teen these past few weeks. I lost ten pounds in January as a result of a series of late night panic attack type things I had throughout the month where my stomach would get all worked up and I’d throw up whatever was in my stomach ‘cause I couldn’t keep food down and then the days following that my stomach would still be all uneasy and I could barely eat. There’s a whole backstory behind the attacks that I’m not really ready to share yet but I will say that it’s not happening anymore, it’s over. So that’s good. But I didn’t realize I was losing weight cuz it happened kind of gradually until one day I noticed I was slipping into jeans I used to struggle to get on and I could feel the bones in my chest coming through that I never used to feel and just overall my clothes were fitting a lot looser. Not gonna lie I was kind of excited, like I could wear different types of shirts and pants that I didn’t before because it wasn’t flattering. It was nice for a few weeks because I didn’t TRY to lose weight so I didn’t feel bad, I was just enjoying the benefits. But then I got too into it and started feeling that awful “afraid of food” feeling again because I was terrified of gaining the weight back and losing this feeling and it’s just getting reeeeaaaal old. I finally looked myself in the mirror today and acknowledged that that was happening, along with a whole string of other things I’ve been doing out of the desire to please people/the fear of not being good enough. It’s just time to say enough is enough! The point of this post is really to share with you guys that I put the power back in my hands today and I want you to do the same. I DECIDED I am a beautiful woman because I said so and that’s final. Nobody else gets a say in it. If I wanna work out and be a muscular beast and be the picture of health because it makes me happy, I’m gonna do that. If I wanna take a break from watching my health and eat pretzels and candy all day (I’m in Germany so there’s lots of that haha) then IM GONNA DO THAT. I look great at any weight whether I’m 120 or 320 pounds. I’m a beautiful person because I SAID SO AND THATS FINAL. If I get a million likes on a picture of my face or a thousand hate comments on a picture of me, I’m awesome and I’m pretty and I look great and I have a lot to give as a human and that’s it. Nobody else gets to decide. And also my appearance is the least I have to give. I need to be happy with it and get to a good place but then I need to MOVE ON and remember I’ve got SO MUCH to offer and so many good things I can do for people just by listening and making myself available to help. But back to body image cuz that’s my focus today. IF I WANT TO GAIN 20 POUNDS AND WEAR WHITE JEANS THEN I WILL AND YOU SHOULD TOO. YOU SHOULD WEAR WHATEVER YOU FEEL GOOD IN AND IF ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING JUST REMEMBER NO ONE WHO’S HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES HATES ON OTHER PEOPLE. THOSE WHO CRITICIZE YOU ARE A THOUSAND TIMES HARSHER ABOUT THEMSELVES. DONT LISTEN TO THEM. ROCK IT. BE CONFIDENT BECAUSE YOURE AWESOME AND NOBODY ELSE GETS TO DECIDE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. WE ARE FREE. WE ARE IN CHARGE OF OURSELVES AND IT’S TIME TO STOP WORRYING WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS BECAUSE THEY AREN’T GIVING US ANYTHING. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO FEEL HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND ENERGETIC. TAKE CARE OF YOUR MIND DONT LET ANY OBNOXIOUS ANNOYING VOICES INSIDE OF IT. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SOUL DONT LET THE DARKNESS SWALLOW YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY DONT LET YOUR EMOTIONS DRIVE YOU TO TRASHING IT. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DO THAT. YOU DECIDE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU ARE LOVABLE JUST AS YOU ARE AND IT’S TIME TO START LOVING YOURSELF. NOBODY’S OPINION OF YOU IS HALF AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR OWN. DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD PERSON AND FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE. THERE ARE NO RULES YOU CAN ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE LOVED AND YOURE GONNA MAKE IT. Do what’s good for your mind, body and soul. Do what makes you healthy and strong. Do what you need to do and forget what ANYONE else says. You have to take care of yourself and you have to be sane and you gotta do whatever you gotta do to get that done haha. NOW GO HAVE A GREAT DAY YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW SO TAKE IT PEOPLE :D